Your child tells you about a new friend.
They are 13.
They love the same game.
They listen to the same music.
They have the same sense of humor.
They have been talking almost every day for three months.
Your child knows what this person likes, what annoys them, what games they play and what they supposedly did at school yesterday.
There is just one problem.
Your child has never actually met them.
For children growing up online, that distinction may not feel particularly important.
Online friendships can be genuine friendships. Children meet through games, group chats, fandoms and social platforms. They talk regularly. They share experiences. They support one another. A relationship formed digitally can feel every bit as meaningful as one formed in a classroom.
But there is a fundamental difference parents need to help children understand:
Knowing someone online is not necessarily the same thing as knowing who that person is.
A username can be invented.
A photograph can be stolen.
An age can be changed.
A school can be fabricated.
A voice can be manipulated.
And increasingly, artificial intelligence can make false identities more convincing than they have ever been.
Children do not need to assume everyone online is lying.
They do need to understand how difficult identity can be to prove.
Why Online Identity Is So Easy to Control
Think about what establishes identity in the physical world.
A child knows a classmate because they see them at school.
They know where that person sits.
They know other people who know them.
They see teachers interact with them.
They may know the person’s parents, siblings or friends.
There is an entire network of real-world information confirming who that person is.
Online, someone can construct an identity from scratch.
Choose a username.
Upload a photograph.
Claim an age.
Mention a school.
Follow accounts popular with teenagers.
Learn the language used in a particular game or online community.
None of those things proves identity.
That is why children should learn to separate two ideas:
“I talk to this person a lot.”
and
“I know who this person really is.”
Those statements are not interchangeable.
What Is Catfishing?
“Catfishing” generally refers to creating or using a false online identity to deceive another person.
The motivation can vary.
Someone may be seeking attention.
They may want money.
They may be playing a cruel joke.
They may be attempting to obtain personal information.
They may want photographs.
They may be trying to develop a romantic or sexual relationship.
Or they may be attempting to exploit a child.
The false identity may be elaborate.
Someone could steal photographs from a real teenager’s social-media account and create a second profile.
They may invent friends, interests and a history.
They may maintain the deception for weeks or months.
The longer the relationship continues, the harder it can become for a child to question it.
After all:
“Why would someone talk to me every day for six months if they weren’t who they said they were?”
Unfortunately, time does not prove identity.
Familiarity Can Feel Like Proof
Human beings naturally trust what becomes familiar.
A username that appears every day stops feeling like a stranger.
The person remembers your child’s birthday.
They know the name of the family dog.
They ask how yesterday’s math test went.
They know about an argument with a friend.
At some point, the relationship may feel completely ordinary.
That is one reason simply telling children “don’t talk to strangers online” is not enough.
The person may no longer feel like a stranger.
A better lesson is:
Someone you originally met online remains someone whose identity deserves caution, no matter how familiar the conversation becomes.
That does not mean the friendship is fake.
It means familiarity and verification are different things.
A Photograph Doesn’t Prove Very Much Anymore
Children may believe photographs establish identity.
“Of course she’s real. I’ve seen pictures.”
That was never a perfect test.
Photographs can be copied from another person’s account.
Images can be edited.
Someone can maintain an entire false profile using photographs belonging to somebody else.
Artificial intelligence makes the problem more complicated.
Images can now be generated or altered convincingly. Faces can be manipulated. Backgrounds can be changed. Fabricated photographs can appear surprisingly realistic.
The old internet-safety lesson of “ask them for a picture” is therefore increasingly inadequate.
Seeing a face is not necessarily the same thing as verifying a person.
What About Video Calls?
Live interaction can provide more information than a static photograph, but children should still avoid treating any single digital interaction as absolute proof of identity.
Technology capable of manipulating voices and images continues to improve.
More importantly, someone may simply avoid verification altogether.
Their camera is broken.
Their parents won’t let them video chat.
The internet connection is bad.
They are embarrassed.
They promise they’ll do it tomorrow.
Any one excuse may be perfectly legitimate.
A continuing pattern of excuses deserves more attention.
If someone is asking your child to trust them deeply while consistently preventing the child from confirming basic facts about who they are, that imbalance matters.
Warning Sign: Their Story Keeps Changing
False identities can be difficult to maintain.
Details may not line up.
The person says they are 14 but later describes experiences that don’t make sense for that age.
They claim to attend a particular school but know surprisingly little about it.
Their location changes.
Their photographs appear inconsistent.
They forget things they previously said.
They use language or references that seem unusual for the age they claim to be.
None of these observations automatically proves deception.
People misspeak.
Teenagers exaggerate.
Memories are imperfect.
But children should be taught that inconsistencies are a reason to slow down, not something they are obligated to explain away.
Trust does not require ignoring your instincts.
Warning Sign: They Want the Relationship Kept Secret
This is one of the most important warning signs across nearly every form of online exploitation.
“Don’t tell your parents about me.”
“They won’t understand.”
“Don’t tell your friends.”
“This is just between us.”
Secrecy changes the nature of an online relationship.
A person attempting to manipulate a child benefits when the adults in that child’s life do not know the relationship exists.
Children should have a simple rule:
Someone who cares about you should not need you to hide them from the people responsible for keeping you safe.
That rule doesn’t require a child to determine whether someone is lying about their identity.
The behavior itself is enough to justify telling an adult.
Warning Sign: They Want to Move Somewhere More Private
An interaction may begin inside a game or public social platform.
Then:
“Add me somewhere else.”
“Let’s talk privately.”
“Message me here instead.”
There are countless innocent reasons friends communicate across multiple platforms.
But when a person repeatedly pushes a child toward more private communication—particularly when that request is combined with secrecy, personal questions or inappropriate conversation—parents should pay attention.
The change of platform can change the protections surrounding the conversation.
It can also make the relationship harder for a parent to see.
Warning Sign: The Questions Become Increasingly Personal
Online friendships naturally involve personal conversation.
But there is a difference between getting to know someone and systematically learning information that could make a child vulnerable.
Be cautious when someone repeatedly asks about:
- the child’s full name;
- home address;
- school;
- daily schedule;
- phone number;
- precise location;
- whether parents are home;
- whether the child has their own bedroom;
- whether parents check the child’s device;
- sexual experiences;
- or private photographs.
The individual question may sound harmless.
The pattern matters.
Warning Sign: Gifts Start Appearing
Virtual currency.
Game items.
Gift cards.
Money.
Subscriptions.
A child may see generosity.
Someone with harmful intentions may see leverage.
A gift can create a sense of obligation.
“I bought you that skin.”
“I sent you Robux.”
“I’ve done so much for you.”
“Can’t you do one thing for me?”
Children need to understand:
A gift never creates a debt involving your body, your privacy or your personal information.
They do not owe someone a photograph.
They do not owe a secret.
They do not owe access to an account.
And they do not owe continued contact.
Warning Sign: They Become Jealous or Controlling
An online relationship can become emotionally manipulative.
Why didn’t you answer?
Who were you talking to?
Why were you playing with someone else?
If you cared about me, you would respond.
Don’t tell your friends about us.
Someone may attempt to make the child feel responsible for their emotions.
They may alternate affection with anger.
They may threaten to end the friendship.
They may make the child feel guilty for setting boundaries.
These behaviors are concerning regardless of whether the person has lied about their identity.
A healthy relationship does not require a child to be continuously available or afraid of making the other person angry.
When a Fake Identity Becomes Grooming
Catfishing and grooming are not identical.
Someone can lie about their identity without attempting to sexually exploit a child.
But a false identity can be a tool used in grooming.
An adult might pose as a teenager to make initial contact easier.
The false persona can create common ground.
Same age.
Same interests.
Same problems.
The child becomes comfortable.
The conversation moves somewhere private.
Personal information is exchanged.
Boundaries are tested.
Photographs are requested.
Eventually, the person may have enough information, images or emotional leverage to pressure the child.
This is why identity education is part of abuse prevention.
Children don’t need to become detectives.
They need to recognize when a relationship is asking them to take risks based on an identity they cannot actually confirm.
Fake Identities Can Be Used for Scams Too
Not every impersonation attempt is sexual.
Someone may pose as a friend and claim to need money.
A compromised account may send:
“Can you buy me a gift card?”
Someone may impersonate a gaming friend and ask for login information.
A fake profile may advertise a prize.
A scammer may claim to represent a company or platform.
Children should learn that identity matters whenever someone asks them to give something up.
Money.
Passwords.
Verification codes.
Personal information.
Photographs.
If the request matters, verify the person through another trusted method before acting.
Impersonation Can Target the Child Directly
Sometimes the fake identity is not used to approach your child.
Sometimes your child is the identity being copied.
Someone may create a fake account using the child’s name and photographs.
They may message classmates.
Post embarrassing material.
Make offensive comments.
Pretend to solicit money.
Or use the account to damage the child’s reputation.
Parents should take impersonation seriously.
Document the account.
Preserve usernames, profile links, messages and screenshots.
Report the impersonation through the platform’s available process.
And if the account is being used for threats, sexual exploitation, fraud or other serious misconduct, consider whether additional assistance is necessary.
Injured and Have Questions?
Call us or request a case review by our experts.
Teach Children to Verify Without Becoming Suspicious of Everyone
The goal is not paranoia.
Children can have wonderful online friendships.
They can meet people through shared interests who become genuine friends.
Digital communities can be especially meaningful for children who have difficulty finding people with similar interests nearby.
We should not teach children:
Nobody online is real.
We should teach:
Trust should match what you actually know.
A child can enjoy playing a game with someone without telling them where they live.
They can talk about music without sending a private photograph.
They can be friendly without moving the conversation to a secret account.
They can care about an online friend while still involving a parent when something feels wrong.
Caution and friendship can coexist.
What Parents Can Do
Know Who Your Child Talks About
Online friends should be part of ordinary family conversation.
“Who were you playing with?”
“How did you meet them?”
“Do you know them from school or only online?”
The less judgmental those conversations feel, the more likely children are to answer honestly.
Don’t Mock Online Friendships
This is important.
If a child says an online friend matters to them and a parent responds, “That’s not a real friend,” the child may simply stop discussing the relationship.
You don’t need to validate every relationship as safe.
You do need to recognize that the child’s feelings about it may be real.
Establish Rules About Personal Information
Decide what information children should never provide to people they know only online.
Make those expectations clear before a relationship develops.
Make Secrecy a Bright Line
If someone asks the child to hide the relationship from parents, the child should tell an adult.
No detective work required.
Make Meeting Offline a Family Decision
A child should never independently arrange to meet someone they know only from the internet.
If an online friendship eventually becomes a real-world friendship, adults should be involved in verifying who the person is and determining whether and how a meeting can occur safely.
Give Your Child Permission to Leave
Children sometimes believe ending an online friendship is rude.
Teach them that they can block someone.
Stop responding.
Leave a conversation.
Report inappropriate behavior.
They do not owe continued access to anyone.
If Your Child Discovers Someone Lied About Their Identity
Try not to begin with:
“I told you so.”
Your child may already feel humiliated.
They may be grieving what they believed was a genuine friendship.
They may also be frightened about what information they shared.
Find out:
Who was the person claiming to be?
What did your child tell them?
Were photographs exchanged?
Did the person receive identifying information?
Do they know where your child lives or attends school?
Were threats made?
Was money exchanged?
Did conversations become sexual?
Did the person ask to meet?
Preserve relevant communications and account information before blocking or deleting material that may be important.
Then determine what level of response is appropriate.
A teenager discovering another teenager lied about a photograph is different from an adult using a false identity to obtain sexual images from a child.
Context matters.
Children Don’t Need to Become Detectives
There is an impossible version of internet safety we sometimes ask children to perform.
Figure out who’s lying.
Spot the predator.
Recognize the fake photograph.
Know whether the voice is real.
Identify the scam.
A 12-year-old should not have to become an expert in digital forensics to use the internet.
Give children simpler tools.
Someone wants secrecy?
Tell an adult.
Someone wants personal information?
Stop.
Someone wants a private photograph?
Don’t send it.
Someone wants to meet?
Involve a parent.
Someone becomes threatening or controlling?
Leave and get help.
Someone’s identity doesn’t add up?
Trust the concern.
Children may not always be able to determine who someone really is.
They can learn to recognize when a person they met online is asking them to take a risk.
That is a much more realistic form of protection.
When Online Deception Leads to Serious Harm
A fake identity can be the beginning of something far more serious than an uncomfortable online friendship.
Impersonation and deception may be used to groom a child, obtain sexual images, commit sextortion, gather identifying information, arrange an in-person meeting, steal money or accounts, or cause significant emotional harm.
When that occurs through an online platform, families may have questions about how the contact was made, what safeguards existed for young users, whether suspicious conduct was detected or reported and how the platform responded.
Preserving digital evidence can be especially important. Usernames, profile information, messages, photographs, account links and reports may help establish how the deception developed and what occurred.
At Rafferty Domnick Cunningham & Yaffa, our attorneys represent children and families in cases involving online platforms, social media and serious preventable harm. We investigate how children were contacted and targeted, how platform features may have facilitated harmful interactions and whether companies took appropriate steps to address foreseeable risks to young users.
If your child has been seriously harmed by someone using a false identity, impersonation or other online deception, contact Rafferty Domnick Cunningham & Yaffa to discuss what happened and learn more about your family’s legal options.
